I have often spoken and written about how becoming a teacher
was an unlikely choice for me. As a young person, I wanted to be a writer-not a
classroom-bound servant teaching day after day within the same hard and
spiritless walls that I became familiar with as a student. I was adamant and
pointed in disqualifying the teaching vocation as my own. Yet all these years
later, each time I am asked, “What do you do?” I hear myself respond, “I
teach.” And nothing has ever felt truer or more fulfilling.
Memories of wanting to turn away from teaching either
through disdain or exhaustion are still fresh in my mind and bare witness to a
tug-of-war, a dance between instinct and self-doubt, that I have come to know
as a passionate calling. For I cannot imagine myself as anything other than a
teacher, although not the kind of institutionally defined teacher I once feared,
but something else. I have become, unexpectedly, a more creative, balanced and
giving individual.
I have come
to realize that teaching is not about disseminating information, or even
informing. It’s about knowledge– about knowing oneself. Author, teacher, and
social leader Parker Palmer writes that teaching is at the same time a
painfully intimate and public endeavor that, “As I teach, I project the
condition of my soul onto my students, my subject, and our way of being
together.” It is from this place that I endeavor to take the next step on
my journey to both know myself better and open up to an experience of joyfully
“projecting” my soul into the world in a way that may be of service to those
who are willing to share in it with me. It is from this place that I sit
writing today, knowing that my offering is deeply personal and ultimately
universal.
For the past
15 years I have been teaching students how to move well, live well, and thrive
in their bodies. My classroom has been the non-traditional kind. In the studio I
have been a teacher, mentor, confidant, daughter, mother, guide, leader,
practitioner, and therapist, but my intention has always been to bring myself
fully to every interaction, every movement, question, and thread of resistance
or fear. My subject matter ranges from dance, to Pilates, to yoga, to
Feldenkrais, to meditation; my students from seven to 85 years old. My journey
has been painful, challenging, rewarding, insightful and infinitely humbling.
Through the trials of owning and operating two movement studios, developing
curriculum for teachers in advanced movement studies and anatomy, to leading
retreats, and most recently publishing a book on teaching, I have come to see
teaching as a direct line to myself and the way in which I can bring good into
the world – even though I find it one of the most difficult undertakings I have
ever attempted.
The
Contemplative Education Master’s program at Naropa is where I can be drawn
further down the path of not only mindfully educating, but also skillfully
teaching and living. It has been my hope for the past two years to commit to
the program and yet the demands of my life and my business have prevented me
from doing so. This past year I have taken time to transition out of owning my
studio in order to focus my efforts as the Director of Education as well as to
pursue my desire to mentor, coach and provide continuing education for teachers
across many movement fields.
As my
teaching has evolved, my view of the skillfulness it requires has broadened
immensely. In the fast growing field of Pilates, yoga and other alternative
movement therapies I have seen more and more teachers take flight without even
a single ounce of awareness as to the kind of teacher they want to be, the
intention they bring to their teaching, or the values that create the
foundation of their teaching. As I have watched teachers across disciplines and
been a student I have come to see that in this profession, particularly we are
lacking a fundamental level of training, that of self-awareness and
mindfulness, the principle tools necessary for relating to both our subject
matter and our students that reaches beyond technique alone.
It is to
this end that I hope to integrate my studies at Naropa into developing continuing
education for movement professionals. My current endeavor is a project called
Skillful Teaching. It is designed as a resource for teachers of different
modalities to delve into areas of teaching that promote longevity,
authenticity, creativity, and sustainability. My goal in the next two years is
to enhance the curriculum by including a mindfulness practice component as well
as craft retreats that promote, teach, and nurture the teacher rather than the
technique.
Although
this does not equate to the sum of my reasons for wanting to attend the
Contemplative Ed. MA at Naropa, it does demonstrate the value of the curriculum
for me professionally. In truth, I want to attend Naropa as much for what it
will bring to my work as what it may bring to my personal journey.
My dearest
friend of more than 25 years recently scoffed at my desire to go back to
school. He said “Master’s degrees are for people with real jobs who need to get
promoted.” I thought this coming from someone with three advanced degrees-who
works for himself-was an interesting, if not, somewhat lacking line of
deduction. And yet it did make me pause and question. I love the freedom and
creativity of entrepreneurship and cannot imagine myself in any other professional
capacity. Was it true that making an investment like this would be a foolish
waste of time? Would it be useful to me, make me more money? Would it allow for greater clout or
credibility? Maybe. Likely. If I was strategic and mindful then, the answer was
probably, yes.
It turns out
those questions were not the ones to reveal the real answer. In fact, it was the knowledge that those
outcomes were not why I wanted to go
back to school that solidified my resolve. What I felt when I asked myself if this was the right choice was my heart
and spirit need this. To be wrapped in the study and practice of wisdom
practices and to explore how to be a thoughtful practitioner as well as
educator…I cannot think of anything more rewarding or satisfying. The breadth
of the course work, the intention I have witnessed in the professorial staff,
the foundation from which the university is built all demonstrate to me what I
would hope most for an education. When I think about attending Naropa, I think
what a gift it is to have this opportunity and what it means to be able to
fully integrate my life and my work into a meaningful and authentic whole.
During my
time at Naropa, I hope to know myself better, to know my world better and to
better equip myself with the patience, compassion and skillfulness to be of
service through teaching. In whatever forms my teaching takes place, I am
honored to be able to do it, to share, to perhaps add to a life, to extend
kindness to the difficult process of living and learning, and to remain open.
I am
grateful for the chance to be a part of the Contemplative Education Masters,
and to further express my work with integrity through the guidance and insights
of the program’s staff and students.
Supplemental
Application Questions:
Describe your previous and current teaching experience.
If you are a non-teacher, how do you foresee this program contributing to your
work and life?
My previous teaching experience has been addressed in the
prior essay, but I will now speak to my current situation. For the past five
years, I have been involved in training Pilates and yoga teachers in formal
certificate programs as well as in supplemental education ranging from
functional anatomy, teaching and business skills to advanced studies in manual
therapy techniques and other advanced studies topics such as planning,
programming, communication, relationship building, motivational interviewing,
and mindfulness techniques.
Most of my current teaching is performed in a group format
both in person and remotely via phone, email, and video. I offer workshops that
run two hours to three days as well as host periodic retreats for teachers. My
primary focus during this period has been on teaching teachers how to be great
teachers not just great technicians.
I have maintained a private client base and a weekly
teaching schedule working with people ranging in age and ability. In the past two years, I have developed an
extensive mentoring program within my own Pilates studio and am currently
working with other studio owners to plan, create and implement similar
programs.
Describe your academic background in the areas of
child and human development.
I do not have any formal training in child or human
development outside of what was covered in my undergraduate studies at Cal Poly
San Luis Obispo and Sonoma State. Of
course I have the honor of being mother to a beautiful, bright, and highly
empathetic seven-year-old son named Charlie. In so far as child and human
development is concerned I can’t think of a more intense course than that laid
out before a new parent.
Watching, learning, fumbling, and aching to understand the whys and why not’s of my child’s behavior-and my own and my
husband’s-offered an opportunity for me to not only better learn how children
develop, but how we as parents adapt and how our personal evolution affects our
offspring. From nutrition and brain development, to motor learning and
reflexes, from language acquisition and skills integration, to
self-identification and emotional expression, being a parent has taught me that
the process of becoming a healthy and well-functioning human being is both a
complex and messy business. Perhaps that is not adequate to replace a college
course, yet it feels relevant enough to the task. In my day-to-day teaching I
find my experience as a mother to be a bottomless pool of material I can
utilize for successfully strategizing and adapting. After all, following two
years of sleep deprivation and the myriad of other emotional, psychological and
physical speed bumps teaching seems a breeze most days.
On the other hand, I have also studied Buddhist psychology
and had a great deal of experience working with and studying Motivational
Interviewing,
transformational teaching, student-centered teaching and learning, the four
stages of competence, and the stages of mastery as well as other
teaching/learning modalities relative to movement. Those include: movement
integration theory, embodied function, and the use of imagery and metaphor in
movement re-education. I have also studied and collaborated with Body Brain
Connect founder, Anne Bishop,
exploring the somatosensory cortex and its role in movement/motor learning.
What is your background in mindfulness meditation?
Meditation
has been a part of my life on and off since I was in my early twenties, but it was
not until after I had my son and opened my second business that I truly felt
the value of the practice in my life. I know meditation not as a temporary fix,
but a way of life that offered real grounding and a true equanimity. In these
past seven years I have maneuvered through significant financial and
relationship strains along side the tremendous weight of work obligations and
modern business. And what I know about myself is that I am better when I take
my seat.
I have
studied Vipasan meditation at Spirit Rock Meditation center in Fairfax,
California, with teachers such as Phillip Moffitt, Jack Kornfield, and Sharda
Rogel. I have also studied the Shambhala lineage with Susan Piver both at
Shambhala Mountain Center and through her Open Heart Project. My studies have
also included some of the writings of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, most thoroughly
“Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior.”
My mediation
practice has also extended to the practice of Authentic Movement and other movement meditation techniques. Last year, I had the great pleasure
of creating and teaching an eight-week movement meditation class for students
and teachers in Sebastopol, California. I am currently practicing five days a
week.
