Into a new chapter...

I have often spoken and written about how becoming a teacher was an unlikely choice for me. As a young person, I wanted to be a writer-not a classroom-bound servant teaching day after day within the same hard and spiritless walls that I became familiar with as a student. I was adamant and pointed in disqualifying the teaching vocation as my own. Yet all these years later, each time I am asked, “What do you do?” I hear myself respond, “I teach.” And nothing has ever felt truer or more fulfilling.

Memories of wanting to turn away from teaching either through disdain or exhaustion are still fresh in my mind and bare witness to a tug-of-war, a dance between instinct and self-doubt, that I have come to know as a passionate calling. For I cannot imagine myself as anything other than a teacher, although not the kind of institutionally defined teacher I once feared, but something else. I have become, unexpectedly, a more creative, balanced and giving individual.

I have come to realize that teaching is not about disseminating information, or even informing. It’s about knowledge– about knowing oneself. Author, teacher, and social leader Parker Palmer writes that teaching is at the same time a painfully intimate and public endeavor that, “As I teach, I project the condition of my soul onto my students, my subject, and our way of being together.” It is from this place that I endeavor to take the next step on my journey to both know myself better and open up to an experience of joyfully “projecting” my soul into the world in a way that may be of service to those who are willing to share in it with me. It is from this place that I sit writing today, knowing that my offering is deeply personal and ultimately universal.

For the past 15 years I have been teaching students how to move well, live well, and thrive in their bodies. My classroom has been the non-traditional kind. In the studio I have been a teacher, mentor, confidant, daughter, mother, guide, leader, practitioner, and therapist, but my intention has always been to bring myself fully to every interaction, every movement, question, and thread of resistance or fear. My subject matter ranges from dance, to Pilates, to yoga, to Feldenkrais, to meditation; my students from seven to 85 years old. My journey has been painful, challenging, rewarding, insightful and infinitely humbling. Through the trials of owning and operating two movement studios, developing curriculum for teachers in advanced movement studies and anatomy, to leading retreats, and most recently publishing a book on teaching, I have come to see teaching as a direct line to myself and the way in which I can bring good into the world – even though I find it one of the most difficult undertakings I have ever attempted.

The Contemplative Education Master’s program at Naropa is where I can be drawn further down the path of not only mindfully educating, but also skillfully teaching and living. It has been my hope for the past two years to commit to the program and yet the demands of my life and my business have prevented me from doing so. This past year I have taken time to transition out of owning my studio in order to focus my efforts as the Director of Education as well as to pursue my desire to mentor, coach and provide continuing education for teachers across many movement fields.

As my teaching has evolved, my view of the skillfulness it requires has broadened immensely. In the fast growing field of Pilates, yoga and other alternative movement therapies I have seen more and more teachers take flight without even a single ounce of awareness as to the kind of teacher they want to be, the intention they bring to their teaching, or the values that create the foundation of their teaching. As I have watched teachers across disciplines and been a student I have come to see that in this profession, particularly we are lacking a fundamental level of training, that of self-awareness and mindfulness, the principle tools necessary for relating to both our subject matter and our students that reaches beyond technique alone.

It is to this end that I hope to integrate my studies at Naropa into developing continuing education for movement professionals. My current endeavor is a project called Skillful Teaching. It is designed as a resource for teachers of different modalities to delve into areas of teaching that promote longevity, authenticity, creativity, and sustainability. My goal in the next two years is to enhance the curriculum by including a mindfulness practice component as well as craft retreats that promote, teach, and nurture the teacher rather than the technique.

Although this does not equate to the sum of my reasons for wanting to attend the Contemplative Ed. MA at Naropa, it does demonstrate the value of the curriculum for me professionally. In truth, I want to attend Naropa as much for what it will bring to my work as what it may bring to my personal journey.

My dearest friend of more than 25 years recently scoffed at my desire to go back to school. He said “Master’s degrees are for people with real jobs who need to get promoted.” I thought this coming from someone with three advanced degrees-who works for himself-was an interesting, if not, somewhat lacking line of deduction. And yet it did make me pause and question. I love the freedom and creativity of entrepreneurship and cannot imagine myself in any other professional capacity. Was it true that making an investment like this would be a foolish waste of time? Would it be useful to me, make me more money?  Would it allow for greater clout or credibility? Maybe. Likely. If I was strategic and mindful then, the answer was probably, yes.

It turns out those questions were not the ones to reveal the real answer.  In fact, it was the knowledge that those outcomes were not why I wanted to go back to school that solidified my resolve. What I felt when I asked myself if this was the right choice was my heart and spirit need this. To be wrapped in the study and practice of wisdom practices and to explore how to be a thoughtful practitioner as well as educator…I cannot think of anything more rewarding or satisfying. The breadth of the course work, the intention I have witnessed in the professorial staff, the foundation from which the university is built all demonstrate to me what I would hope most for an education. When I think about attending Naropa, I think what a gift it is to have this opportunity and what it means to be able to fully integrate my life and my work into a meaningful and authentic whole.

During my time at Naropa, I hope to know myself better, to know my world better and to better equip myself with the patience, compassion and skillfulness to be of service through teaching. In whatever forms my teaching takes place, I am honored to be able to do it, to share, to perhaps add to a life, to extend kindness to the difficult process of living and learning, and to remain open.

I am grateful for the chance to be a part of the Contemplative Education Masters, and to further express my work with integrity through the guidance and insights of the program’s staff and students.

Supplemental Application Questions:

Describe your previous and current teaching experience. If you are a non-teacher, how do you foresee this program contributing to your work and life?

My previous teaching experience has been addressed in the prior essay, but I will now speak to my current situation. For the past five years, I have been involved in training Pilates and yoga teachers in formal certificate programs as well as in supplemental education ranging from functional anatomy, teaching and business skills to advanced studies in manual therapy techniques and other advanced studies topics such as planning, programming, communication, relationship building, motivational interviewing, and mindfulness techniques.

Most of my current teaching is performed in a group format both in person and remotely via phone, email, and video. I offer workshops that run two hours to three days as well as host periodic retreats for teachers. My primary focus during this period has been on teaching teachers how to be great teachers not just great technicians.

I have maintained a private client base and a weekly teaching schedule working with people ranging in age and ability.   In the past two years, I have developed an extensive mentoring program within my own Pilates studio and am currently working with other studio owners to plan, create and implement similar programs.

Describe your academic background in the areas of child and human development.

I do not have any formal training in child or human development outside of what was covered in my undergraduate studies at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo and Sonoma State.  Of course I have the honor of being mother to a beautiful, bright, and highly empathetic seven-year-old son named Charlie. In so far as child and human development is concerned I can’t think of a more intense course than that laid out before a new parent.

Watching, learning, fumbling, and aching to understand the whys and why not’s of my child’s behavior-and my own and my husband’s-offered an opportunity for me to not only better learn how children develop, but how we as parents adapt and how our personal evolution affects our offspring. From nutrition and brain development, to motor learning and reflexes, from language acquisition and skills integration, to self-identification and emotional expression, being a parent has taught me that the process of becoming a healthy and well-functioning human being is both a complex and messy business. Perhaps that is not adequate to replace a college course, yet it feels relevant enough to the task. In my day-to-day teaching I find my experience as a mother to be a bottomless pool of material I can utilize for successfully strategizing and adapting. After all, following two years of sleep deprivation and the myriad of other emotional, psychological and physical speed bumps teaching seems a breeze most days.

On the other hand, I have also studied Buddhist psychology and had a great deal of experience working with and studying Motivational Interviewing, transformational teaching, student-centered teaching and learning, the four stages of competence, and the stages of mastery as well as other teaching/learning modalities relative to movement. Those include: movement integration theory, embodied function, and the use of imagery and metaphor in movement re-education. I have also studied and collaborated with Body Brain Connect founder, Anne Bishop, exploring the somatosensory cortex and its role in movement/motor learning.

What is your background in mindfulness meditation?

Meditation has been a part of my life on and off since I was in my early twenties, but it was not until after I had my son and opened my second business that I truly felt the value of the practice in my life. I know meditation not as a temporary fix, but a way of life that offered real grounding and a true equanimity. In these past seven years I have maneuvered through significant financial and relationship strains along side the tremendous weight of work obligations and modern business. And what I know about myself is that I am better when I take my seat.

I have studied Vipasan meditation at Spirit Rock Meditation center in Fairfax, California, with teachers such as Phillip Moffitt, Jack Kornfield, and Sharda Rogel. I have also studied the Shambhala lineage with Susan Piver both at Shambhala Mountain Center and through her Open Heart Project. My studies have also included some of the writings of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, most thoroughly “Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior.” 

My mediation practice has also extended to the practice of Authentic Movement and other movement meditation techniques. Last year, I had the great pleasure of creating and teaching an eight-week movement meditation class for students and teachers in Sebastopol, California. I am currently practicing five days a week.